Victim to Victor – Thoughts on Change

me at peace

Can you turn from victim to victor? What do these archetypes mean? Maybe we need to find some balance in the way we relate to our weaknesses and strengths?

Having had a health crisis, and a big period of breakdown in my life, was the best thing that could have happened. It has allowed me to birth into something else. There are so many skills, tools and insights, that I have accumulated from this intense period of suffering, that have actually formed the foundations of my newly re-built life.

Until this juncture arrived, and slowly corroded me, I couldn’t truly know peace, I couldn’t love like I do now, and I couldn’t be as giving, or helpful to others. Equally, I couldn’t sustain success. Firstly because I had patterns that lead toward burnout, and secondly because I felt I didn’t deserve it, or it wasn’t possible.

The so called, corrosion that was happening, was not a literal diminishing, but instead, an unburdening, of neurosis. We all carry neurosis, it is the minds natural condition, yet, it is tiring being so caught up in self-preservation, self-gratification, and the need for love, safety and approval from outside sources. It’s only when our soul is moved, even through pain, that we can begin to experience life from another position. This is the position of feeling, and the acceptance of what is, or the appropriate response toward change, in any one moment.

The most crucial movement that I took, time and time again, to continue to improve my situation, and to grow, was action. Yet the most beneficial realisation I had in all the difficulty was to remember, continually, that I was the only one who was responsible for my life. No other person, could save me, or change for me what needed fixing.

There is often a real emergency when this symbolic situation shows up, and there is only one choice that can lead to transformation.

Once you make the decision to be responsible for your life, things change.

It is such an easy decision, yet for some reason, it can feel so life threatening to a wounded ego who’s been calling all the shots on your behalf. It’s no wonder that some people spend a whole lifetime skirting around this unconscious dilemma.

I had faced the victim in me, and I had to continue to face the victim in me on many occasions more, until the victim arose less and less, and what arrived more, was loving power. I didn’t beat down, ignore, or suppress my victim, my pains, and my weakness, I observed, and loved it. I just didn’t give in to it. I walked alongside it, and I remembered that often it was visiting me, because I I needed to take some further turn, or understand some new epiphany.

You know I had a moment, the other day, where I realised that I am not very negative anymore. Sure I have some moments, when I can get a little stretched, a little over-tired, or dealing with some pain, or something else which needs some extra resources to get re-balanced and back into a nice groove. We are all needing to be mindful of balance, as a daily act. However, I remembered I used to moan more, I used to be less resilient, or less tolerant. I was more needy. My victim was having its way with me unconsciously. When I took responsibility there was a shift. Who wants to be around someone who can’t manage themselves anyway? Likely someone with some other type of unhealthy dynamic 😉

It was the fear contained in my victim that had me in a vice. Get up close and personal with that fear and you become friends. Sit down, have a cup of tea with your victim for the afternoon, but don’t let it own you. You are not it’s bitch. Whatever is feeding your old viccy will never be enough to sustain real change.  The child and the victim are often closely connected, so maybe your child needs some more self-love and better self-management?

The thing about falling down low, going through an intense change, or getting a big knock down in life, is that, if what you have inside can’t sustain you, or assert enough presence in your life. Your mind will start eating away at you, and seeking to control you, when really all it wants to do is save you! Yet it’s warped right! It wants to solve your problems, so it tells you all of the details about every one. It spins you in endless circles, creating yarns about things that can go wrong, or gets fixated on making the right decisions. The mind becomes the problem.

Life floats by quite easily. It is simple, not easy, just simple.

Negativity isn’t bad, and false positivity can be more damaging, but what if we were simply to move from unrealistically negative, to somewhere between positive and negative. Avoiding a constant pendulum between the two extremes can make such a drastic shift in your life. Life, is often somewhere in between. However most people fall into the unrealistically negative quadrant.

Loss, is part of life, so there will be hurt. Yet the avoidance of pain, or trying to safeguard from suffering will send you round the twist.

Most of the suffering that is created, is mental based. It is a web, and one that I know about, because I got caught in it for sometime. Ok, so once a web starts to get created again now, it can’t last long, because I am the air that moves all around, it and through it. I am no longer just the spider and the web.

Mastery of the mind. I didn’t think that is something I would be learning about in this lifetime. I don’t have it all down, and sometimes it can get sticky. Yet to go beyond the mind, and to have an embodied experience, which may have begun through some type of pain, physical or emotional, can assist you with finding your true being. It is just that, how you can be. Be with yourself. Then be with another, and be this in the world.

Is it awkward? Is it scary? How would you describe it? Do you love it?

Space is developed in this place, and with this space, the mind works better. You can observe it’s stories, the fears and negativity that it creates. It feels so real, in fact, it can appear so real that we begin to create it.

I used to rush through the writing of articles, on a needless quest, to create more, to produce, to tick goals off my never ending list. I still write lists, sometimes they begin to own me again, and then I sit into being, and I remember, it isn’t what I do, or how much I do, it is the energy behind it, and the way I do whatever I do. Am I writing? Or am I the writing? Am I speaking, or am I the speaker? Am I listening to what am I saying?

Your potential will always lie somewhere outside of the mind, for the mind can’t comprehend your greatest self, and even if it does, it can’t be described in the mind’s terms.

It is a lived experience, and you can live your life, as you, if you go beyond the mind.

Lately I have been manifesting, in a way that I have never manifested before.

I have always been fascinated by the idea of manifestation, and the belief that we create our reality. I have had great results in the past, but sometimes, it was short lived, or I did well on one occasion, and not on another. Perhaps it worked in one area of my life and not another. Now I have the answers to some of my questions.

True manifestation is not just our own creation, it is co-creation. It is also done on a place outside of ego, or at least, it operates at a far superior, and more lasting level, if welcomed from this space. To create splendor, abundance, growth, success, joy and the more, you really need to feel how much you deserve it, and how available it is to you.

Aligning with your potential is easy, but not when it’s held onto so tightly that it is squashed. To let go of your hearts desires, and to become non-attached can feel like a loss in itself, because you are moving away from ego desire, yet something else stirs in you a calling for newness, adventure and growth.

When you feel the support that life offers you, you are aligned. Giving up the need, especially in the areas that you get most caught up about is such a relief.

At first, on this journey from victim to victory, I kept getting continually amazed at the journey, at me, at shattering all the shit my mind said wasn’t possible, and now I am loosing the disbelief, and the surprise. It has happened so frequently, that now I just expect it. In fact I know.

There is an act of faith required at some stage in the process.

Perhaps the faith part is the hardest.

Love yourself, love your brokenness, love your faults, love and accept everything you are currently finding hard to accept, for then there is no where else to go, and no more pain required. There is no separation, on the deepest level, in some shape or form we meet. If you are reading this, then we are also one, and what you are reading is in you.

 

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