Victim to Victor – Thoughts on Change

me at peace

Can you turn from victim to victor? What do these archetypes mean? Maybe we need to find some balance in the way we relate to our weaknesses and strengths?

Having had a health crisis, and a big period of breakdown in my life, was the best thing that could have happened. It has allowed me to birth into something else. There are so many skills, tools and insights, that I have accumulated from this intense period of suffering, that have actually formed the foundations of my newly re-built life.

Until this juncture arrived, and slowly corroded me, I couldn’t truly know peace, I couldn’t love like I do now, and I couldn’t be as giving, or helpful to others. Equally, I couldn’t sustain success. Firstly because I had patterns that lead toward burnout, and secondly because I felt I didn’t deserve it, or it wasn’t possible.

The so called, corrosion that was happening, was not a literal diminishing, but instead, an unburdening, of neurosis. We all carry neurosis, it is the minds natural condition, yet, it is tiring being so caught up in self-preservation, self-gratification, and the need for love, safety and approval from outside sources. It’s only when our soul is moved, even through pain, that we can begin to experience life from another position. This is the position of feeling, and the acceptance of what is, or the appropriate response toward change, in any one moment.

The most crucial movement that I took, time and time again, to continue to improve my situation, and to grow, was action. Yet the most beneficial realisation I had in all the difficulty was to remember, continually, that I was the only one who was responsible for my life. No other person, could save me, or change for me what needed fixing.

There is often a real emergency when this symbolic situation shows up, and there is only one choice that can lead to transformation.

Once you make the decision to be responsible for your life, things change.

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Empowerment & Taking Action

We can all feel dis-empowered at times, especially when things aren’t going our way, we are battling things beyond our control, or we feel low. When in this place, there are some things that we can do to feel more confident and capable again, despite our situation. In this video I will show you my formula, (at the end), for making changes. Some things we need to accept, and this allows us to manage our feelings about our situations, but other things need shifting. When change is required, taking action is the prime route toward making yourself, and your world, a happier, and more harmonious place to be. Taking appropriate action doesn’t have to be pushy, or forceful, it can be loving and sensible. It will lead to a better feeling of overall personal power, which comes from listening in and being responsive, rather than living up to an image you hold of yourself. Even when facing difficult situations, you can move through them.

Watch this video for the lowdown on the difference between empowerment and feelings of dis-empowerment, and learn about the process I use for making positive changes. Everything begins inside, so use the force within to guide you, and master your own thoughts so you stay focused and away from unhelpful thinking. You can do it! For more inspiration, or for info about services visit:

Tool Kit for Life’s Hard Days

TOOL KIT POST (1)No-one escapes tough days in life, it’s part of the experience. There are hundreds if not thousands of reasons for these challenging days, but there is a common set of events that unite them. We are all built the same way, but it’s not so much the painful or disappointing situations that crop up in our daily lives that give us so much grief, more so, it’s the way we deal with them.

This common event is the body/mind reaction. It’s the way your mind, emotions and body reacts to the difficulty which arises. We can’t end suffering but we can find a way to be with the difficulty without adding to it.

Dwelling, giving in, denial, feeling sorry for the self, guilt, criticism and victim-hood are all approaches which prolong the pain. Whereas acceptance and appropriate action can bring about more peace whilst you deal with sadness, pain and other feelings, which we tend not to like spending much time with.

As a society, we have an aversion to “negative” feelings, but in fact, we can chose to stop seeing these emotions as a threat, and instead, acknowledge them more of a part of life. Trying to avoid unhappiness will only make it more painful when you experience it. It also sets up an in-authenticity and a shallow need for the constant good. Which we all would prefer, I’m sure, but if you realise that life is ultimately about growing, then you can’t grow if you only experience one side of life. What goes up, must come down, at somepoint!

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Are you Balanced Physically and Spiritually? 

PHYSICAL - SPIRITUALHave you got your head in the clouds? Or are you disconnected from the soul of life? Walking with our feet firmly on the ground, partaking in everyday life, whilst embracing our connection to our deepest self and the earth can be tricky to master.

Like all extremes in life, we can get caught up in one camp and lose touch with its counterpart. This leaves us imbalanced and with a feeling of missing something. On one-hand, it doesn’t take a great deal of effort to be present, embodied and connected, although often the simplest of things evade us. Much like the practice of meditation, it is so easy, yet equally highly complex with many layers of profound experience and learning.

Why do some of us reject or miss out on the more abstract and spiritual experience of life? Yet others dwell in this realm daily. Furthermore, why do some dwellers in spirit become out of touch with the material and physical domain?

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The Inner Critic – A Barrier to Receptivity. The Inner Child – A Road to Integration

inner critic“You haven’t done it right, they’ll think you’re silly, do more, it’s not enough yet, be more caring, they probably think you’re selfish, it’s not good enough, you’re fat, be better!” That voice sound familiar? You may be hearing different words but the message feels the same, it’s one of attack and unlove. The inner critic is one thing we all have in common but it doesn’t necessarily unite us, in fact it’s the big divider, generally we collude with this big nasty and allow it to bully us in the dark corners of our mind.

The only difference between us, is that some critics are more prevalent than others and some people have cottoned on to exposing theirs and lessening its grip! The path of freedom lies in learning to recognise this unhelpful inner voice and telling it to “Fuck Off!”

Why is it we have this incessant chatter battering at our being all day or even night long? And how does it effect the way we live our life?

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Holistic Tools and Techniques 

IMG_2890As part of your recovery plan, using tools in addition to skills you learn can really help to make you feel comforted, not to mention pro-active. This is especially beneficial when these techniques hold an aim to create a deeper sense of calm and more space for healing.

Here is a list of a number of useful tools and techniques I’ve used to nurture my body and mind:

  • Tens machine
  • Nail bed
  • Crystals
  • Meditation
  • Foot rubbing for grounding
  • Listening to ambient music
  • Tuning fork
  • Touch/stroking on area of nerve pain
  • Energy healing
  • Emotional freedom technique
  • Deep breathing exercises
  • Light singing or sounding out feelings
  • Blankets and hot water bottles
  • Sound oasis machine
  • Positive visualisation

London I’ve missed you – A Time for Re-Birth

I live an hour train ride from London. I used to live there whilst at University during my first degree. I worked there for years, before I was self-employed and I studied there for my Masters degree. I have spent a lot of time there, it’s clear but I haven’t been there for three years since getting ill, until today Aug 24th 2015! She does a little dance…

I planned a short, easily achievable trip for my first time. I chose a good goal, to have lunch with my lovely sister, and at a place nearby the end of my line, Fenchurch Street. St. St Katherine’s docks was the venue, I knew it was a suitable walking distance and now I just waited for a good enough day to go.

It was raining, but hey, less people out to lunch so that’s a bonus! I was a bit fluey, it comes and goes, but I knew it would boost me to go, plus I could rest both ways on the train, little did I know what the universe plants in your way for some kind of weird scnychronistic test. I’ll get to it later!

I felt so elated inside to be riding the train all the way to London. I have been able to do a few train rides now, over the last six months, to nearer stops around where I live. It’s been great feeling my independence again. It’s been a bummer I don’t drive because when I went down into the dark tunnel of ME/CFS, I’ve been dependent on others to get places further afield.

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A Gift from the Abyss – Something People with Chronic Illness have in Common

IMG_2011(Written in 2015) I added a collection of pictures, I would never normally want to be seen, because I think it’s good to honor all aspects of the journey, no matter how unappealing.

I don’t really remember the first year when I was traversing into ME/CFS but when I look at the image of me with the painting I created, it still makes me shudder and I can feel quite physically sick. This was a time I wouldn’t want to spend much time dwelling on. A dark night of the soul, when recalled can often make you want to run, even from the memory. This anxiety is only normal and in fact not every memory or experience can be turned into a bright spark of positivity. That very feeling will be the thing that allows you to be the you that you are now.

Everything went on hold back then for me in 2013 until pretty much my diagnosis in 2014. There was some life happening in the shadows but it was melded so tightly with material from my unconscious that it was like a dream world, or a nightmare. This said, I’m even surprised I found any pictures, because this was the last thing from my mind. In most situations and photos generally, I tried to put on a face, but any person who has had a real health crisis, physical / mental, or both, will know that behind closed doors, the act drops and its just time with our difficulty.

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The Changing Face of Illness – Dealing with Differing Appearances


I’m not who you see, the hand you shake or the face that smiles. I am beyond this dress, this shirt. Dig deeper still, through the layers of skin, blood and meat. Don’t look for me in this mind or even in these feelings springing forth from my heart. You’ll find me somewhere else. In the presence of the still, and the breeze that moves ever on.

When chronic illness strikes it can cause changes in how you look for many reasons. It may be temporary or permanent and the way we relate to these changes can greatly affect our self esteem, or even our sense of self. Ultimately our true self isn’t tied up with the way we look on the surface. We can all known this logically but when things are closer to home it can be harder to swallow.

For those facing a health crisis, or even for those around us, how do we really feel behind the surface reactions. It can be painful to see the result of ill health. Even harder can be the impact of very little visual change, despite such crippling illness.

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