(Written in 2015) I added a collection of pictures, I would never normally want to be seen, because I think it’s good to honor all aspects of the journey, no matter how unappealing.
I don’t really remember the first year when I was traversing into ME/CFS but when I look at the image of me with the painting I created, it still makes me shudder and I can feel quite physically sick. This was a time I wouldn’t want to spend much time dwelling on. A dark night of the soul, when recalled can often make you want to run, even from the memory. This anxiety is only normal and in fact not every memory or experience can be turned into a bright spark of positivity. That very feeling will be the thing that allows you to be the you that you are now.
Everything went on hold back then for me in 2013 until pretty much my diagnosis in 2014. There was some life happening in the shadows but it was melded so tightly with material from my unconscious that it was like a dream world, or a nightmare. This said, I’m even surprised I found any pictures, because this was the last thing from my mind. In most situations and photos generally, I tried to put on a face, but any person who has had a real health crisis, physical / mental, or both, will know that behind closed doors, the act drops and its just time with our difficulty.